Communicating Effectively

Unless you are an isolationist, and even then at times, you’re going to find that you need to talk with people in order to get what you want. Learning how to convey your ideas and receive other people’s ideas is a fundamental to many other aspects, such as resolving conflicts, reducing stress, and managing time.

The most important aspect of communication is listening. You can’t have a conversation with someone if you aren’t listening to them. Often times a conversation will begin nicely, but then quickly degrade as one party, or sometimes both, can’t or won’t listen to the other party.

You must focus on the person speaking to you, in the form of soft eye contact. Note that if you are staring directly at their eyeballs all of the time, then that feeling can be quite disconcerting. Looking away briefly but not focusing on anything in particular and refocusing on the speaker is invaluable. Most people do this when they begin to answer a question or taking in a valid point. Doing this too often will look rehearsed.

Also, while focused, you should not remain motionless. This would seem robotic. While the object is to focus on them, you should add a bit of softness to the conversation in the form of head gestures. This can be nodding when they say something to the affirmative or shaking when they say something to the negative.

If you are not focused on them, then you will not be able to hear what they have to say. If you continuously ask the other person what they have just said then you are not listening enough to the conversation. This will result in bitterness unless you’re just plain deaf.

When you are focused on the other person, you need to listen to every word they are saying, and it needs to make sense. Most of the time, all of the thoughts will be cohesive and you will be able to apply parts of what was said that you understand to parts you don’t understand. Make sure you understand the basic premise of what was just told to you before you move on to other parts of the conversation.

Do not interrupt. You may not understand something that was just said, but if you interrupt, then you could cause the person who is talking to you to lose their “train of thought”. For some people, when that train is derailed (to continue the metaphor), getting that train back on track is going to be hopeless.

When you are speaking, address what they have said. If you refer to what they have said then you will show them that you are listening and that you do understand what they have told you. Otherwise, their only choice is to guess that you have received their message and will never know if you understand them.

To add a bit of a personal touch, you could touch them briefly on the arm or shoulder if they tell you something sad, but is usually not necessary. This adds a bit more to the dynamic and personalizes the conversation much more.