Communicating Effectively

Unless you are an isolationist, and even then at times, you’re going to find that you need to talk with people in order to get what you want. Learning how to convey your ideas and receive other people’s ideas is a fundamental to many other aspects, such as resolving conflicts, reducing stress, and managing time.

The most important aspect of communication is listening. You can’t have a conversation with someone if you aren’t listening to them. Often times a conversation will begin nicely, but then quickly degrade as one party, or sometimes both, can’t or won’t listen to the other party.

You must focus on the person speaking to you, in the form of soft eye contact. Note that if you are staring directly at their eyeballs all of the time, then that feeling can be quite disconcerting. Looking away briefly but not focusing on anything in particular and refocusing on the speaker is invaluable. Most people do this when they begin to answer a question or taking in a valid point. Doing this too often will look rehearsed.

Also, while focused, you should not remain motionless. This would seem robotic. While the object is to focus on them, you should add a bit of softness to the conversation in the form of head gestures. This can be nodding when they say something to the affirmative or shaking when they say something to the negative.

If you are not focused on them, then you will not be able to hear what they have to say. If you continuously ask the other person what they have just said then you are not listening enough to the conversation. This will result in bitterness unless you’re just plain deaf.

When you are focused on the other person, you need to listen to every word they are saying, and it needs to make sense. Most of the time, all of the thoughts will be cohesive and you will be able to apply parts of what was said that you understand to parts you don’t understand. Make sure you understand the basic premise of what was just told to you before you move on to other parts of the conversation.

Do not interrupt. You may not understand something that was just said, but if you interrupt, then you could cause the person who is talking to you to lose their “train of thought”. For some people, when that train is derailed (to continue the metaphor), getting that train back on track is going to be hopeless.

When you are speaking, address what they have said. If you refer to what they have said then you will show them that you are listening and that you do understand what they have told you. Otherwise, their only choice is to guess that you have received their message and will never know if you understand them.

To add a bit of a personal touch, you could touch them briefly on the arm or shoulder if they tell you something sad, but is usually not necessary. This adds a bit more to the dynamic and personalizes the conversation much more.

Managing Time

Managing your time is one of those things people have told you is important but few have any concrete answers on how to do it best. There are some effective ways to develop time management skills and soon you will find yourself with more time than you’ve had before.

The most important things to remember with time management are:

1.      Be organized

2.      Be informed

3.      Take notes

4.      Be flexible

Getting yourself organized will go a long way to having more time available to you. How much time have you spent searching for something? Learning to put your stuff in a single place so you know where it is all of the time will improve you technique. This is easily achieved by clearing off your desk and then becoming mildly obsessive about where you put your stuff. Keeping your layout constant will help you recognize when stuff is out of order so you can fix it.

Organization is more than just keeping your desk orderly, it’s also about getting directions when you need to go somewhere you’ve never been, or getting a list together for the store before you go.

In order to be informed, you must make sure that you know about everything that needs to happen in the next month, and set “one month” as the duration of your management. That means for every day that has passed, you must accept one more day into your month schedule of which you must be informed.

Things that you need to know will involved deadlines for projects for you or your family members, events in which you must make attendance such as appointments with medical professionals or company meetings, and holidays as they may interfere with project deadlines or other scheduling.

You keep track of these things by taking notes. Write down everything. It is not enough to be told and then expected to remember. Not everyone has instant recall and if you rely solely on that, then you have already lost the battle before it has begun. Don’t just write notes down on little, yellow, sticky pieces of paper. You have to keep a notebook or a journal where you have one central location for all of this. Part of time management is learning how to locate without searching.

Most importantly, you have to be flexible. Life is ever-changing and in order to be successful, you have to learn how to change with life. Nothing is set in stone and you must learn to shift dynamically.

Conflict Resolution in Business

You’ve been in it - the middle of a conflict, and maybe you didn’t understand how to rise about the conflict in order to get to the root of the problem. It seemed that no matter what you did you were always getting under more and more proverbial crap. Well, this is truly a difficult aspect to handle, but done effectively, can mean stopping that all-out war before it ruins the relationship at hand.

The conflict starts rather benignly, usually, as the person who feels they have been wronged approaches with their problem. Some people actually let the problems ferment, and we’ll address those later.

Making sure you listen is the best method to deal with the initial conflict. Where most people seem to go wrong and, therefore, the situation escalates is when the appointed resolver is trying to make points while the problem is still being outlined. No one likes to be interrupted, and if someone is agitated already, this will only serve to exacerbate the situation.

Assuming, of course, that you are well within your power to deal with the customer then you must work with them in order to come to a resolution that is most beneficial to the complainant if you feel the problem is truly justified. Usually, if this is the first time you have received a complaint from this person, then you will decide on the side of the complainant, giving the benefit of the doubt.

If it is not within your power, do NOT tell the complainant to go somewhere else. This is the most extreme mistake anyone can make. No one likes to repeat themselves and they have (possibly) already vented on you. If you make them vent again, then they could feel like they’re getting the runaround and will be even less likely to come to a reasonable solution.  Instead, you will need to immediately excuse yourself from the situation as you consult someone who is able to resolve the situation, explaining fully the problem and taking any advice management wants to give. Management may still want to discuss the problem with the complainant, and will tell you if this is the case.

It is actually wrong to assume the complainant is always right. While this has been the best method for many people for many years, there comes a time when the complainant can’t be right. You must understand how to differentiate between legitimate complaints and complaints that are filed merely to cause a scene or to gain an advantage to service such as free services at presumably a slavery equivalent pay scale or worse - actual property belonging to you.

If your relationship with the complainant has ceased to be mutually beneficial, then you must decide to sever ties with the complainant. Making sure, of course, that you do not say anything or perform any action that would be insulting or hostile, you can then “fire” your complainant from whatever capacity they served.

Remember, for the most part, that you service is not unique. There are many other places these people can go in order to get what they need. Understanding that your time is valuable and that these very few people will not be responsible for the majority of your business will go a long way to being able to turn away a problem customer or two. It is not worth your time to cater to these people when you have many other customers that are happy with your services.

“Firing” your customer or client isn’t violent or hostile. Instead, very politely you should tell them that you feel you can’t cater to them like they need and then you should refer them to someone you believe is more capable of handling their requests. Cheerfully apologize and wish them the best, refund whatever it is they have paid you, and send them on their way. Ignore any further attempts at contact.